Day 1

I started Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time this week.

Unlike many, I've actually always had really good luck with Weight Watchers and have never gained back any of my lost weight.  I don't remember the first time I started the program but I'm certainly hoping this will be my last.

In case you've been living under a rock for the past several decades or have never actually tried the program yourself, Weight Watchers is considered one of the most affordable, sensible diet programs on the market.

I agree.

In its most recent incarnation, Weight Watchers has created the Points Plus Program.  Members are assigned a daily points target that is dependant on: sex, height, weight, and age.  (Breastfeeding moms need not despair, as they're supposed to add 14 extra points to their daily target.  I'm perplexed that a breastfeeding mom would even need Weight Watchers as that's the time in my life when I lost the most weight without even trying to).  As a 5'3" non-breastfeeding, 39 year old female, I've been assigned a Points Plus target of 26 points, meaning that my daily diet should consist of no more than 26 points each day.  Each food is assigned a points value based on its: fat, fiber, protein, and carb content.  Fruits, veggies and water have a zero points value meaning one can ingest as many of them as they'd like.

In addition to the daily points target, Weight Watchers is generous enough to give its participants an additional 49 points each week to use in whatever manner we like.  And don't forget to workout!  You can earn additional points each day by pumping iron or getting some cardio in.

So let's go over my first day back on weight watchers.  Yesterday I woke up, used the washroom and weighed myself.

Not a good idea.

For some reason I was hoping to see a drop on the scale.  When that didn't happen...I caved.   Last week's short lived attempt at detoxing (AKA, virtual starvation) had failed almost immediately and I'd returned to what I like to call, last chance eating.  Eating healthy all day long before snapping, and binging on chips and guacamole, crackers and cheese while telling myself that this is the "last time I eat these foods...EVER"

Yeah right.

When I woke up Monday morning, I was determined to get "back on track" at last.  No more binges followed by near starvation, no more diets that don't make sense for me.

I knew it was time to go back to Weight Watchers.

Isn't it sad how most of us don't know how to feed ourselves anymore?  In a perfect world, I could do what Geneen Roth suggests and feed myself, what I want, when I want it.  But, like so many women I know, I'm terrified of food.  Terrified by my own natural appetite.  What if I do as the authors of When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies suggest, fill my house with ALL of the foods I love the most (not just the healthy ones) and binge eat on potato chips until it takes a forklift to get me out of bed?

Feeding myself "on demand" was just too scary for me.

So I chickened out.  Found the free Weight Watchers site and put myself back on my safe little diet.

Worked out for an hour and a half and stayed within my points range like a good little girl.

And a part of me, hates myself for being too afraid to buck the system.

But another part of me...just hopes this diet works.